Sunday we visited Lyman’s Orchard with the express purpose of taking some darling fall photos of the family in the pumpkin patch. I had envisioned it well – the children would be happy, Ellie would frolic around the grounds, we would enjoy some apple cider donuts, etc. I don't know what I was thinking, but my utopia couldn't have been any farther from reality.
Ellie hadn't had her nap yet and had started to doze during the short 25 minute drive to the orchard. Mistake No. 1: Never wake a dozing toddler or allow her to skip her nap. We got everyone out of the minivan and the kids into the stroller and headed straight toward the pumpkin patch; I would waste no time in obtaining these "perfect" pictures of my happy family. Mistake No. 2: Once you have abruptly wakened said toddler, do not expect her to be stating, “Mr. DeMille, I am ready for my close-up.” We toddled on over to the pumpkin patch, got the kids out and proceeded to start the photo session. Now lately, Ellie has been on this kick of holding her fingers near her nose when we take pictures or say the word “cheese.” See, in our house, “cheese” does not mean some yummy pasteurized dairy product – no, no, no, “cheese” means camera. Mistake No. 3: Allowing said toddler to continue to think that “cheese” means shove your fingers up near your nose and pretend to take a picture as opposed to simply smiling and looking pretty for the camera. So with my hopes still high, I continued to make the best of the situation; however, it was soon clear that Ellie was too distracted by all of the people walking around to pay attention to boring Mommy and the “cheese.” Mistake No. 4: Expecting said toddler to have an attention span of greater than 30 seconds to focus on the task at hand. By this time I had started to get frustrated and decided that Ellie would be less distracted if Daddy had the camera and Mommy sat on the ground with the kids. Mistake No. 5: Crouching down on the ground while holding two children only five short weeks post c-section. It didn’t work.
Mommy’s Plan B was to now give Ellie time to wake up before regrouping and trying again, so we went inside the store and picked up some apple cider, apple cider donuts, and some cracked corn to feed the ducks. There it was. That was the ticket, I thought. Mommy had redeemed herself from forcing everyone to take pictures by getting food for the ducks. Ellie and Daddy went down to the pond; however, we soon discovered that well fed ducks aren’t hungry ducks. Mistake No. 6: Not taking note that Lyman’s Orchard has several hundred people visiting over the course of the weekend and probably sells an overpriced sack of cracked corn to every family that makes a purchase in the store. So the ducks and other water fowl were not that interested in the food we had for them, but Ellie still had great fun helping Daddy throw the corn into the water (okay, so her little throws didn’t quite make it off of the shore).
By this time I had decided to give it one last shot so we headed back over to the pumpkin patch. Mistake No. 7: Taking said toddler back to the place where she previously just had a tantrum only allows for an even bigger tantrum the second time around. I snapped a couple more photos and another couple with a young child also took some family photos for us as well. They must have understood. We packed up and left and, on our way home, drove past another pumpkin patch. I knew I still didn’t have the perfect picture I was seeking, so I drug the whole family out of the minivan... again. Mistake No. 8: Thinking that I can apply all of the same techniques just previously used and expect a different result.
I never did get my “perfect” family photo, but the ones I did get tell an interesting tale. Just another reminder that the “mother” I want to be is very much unrealistic and far from my current reality. Oh well, this mom of two under two is starting to realize that my utopia is simply that, a utopia. The Stepford Wife in me has been hushed... at least until next fall rolls around.
Ellie hadn't had her nap yet and had started to doze during the short 25 minute drive to the orchard. Mistake No. 1: Never wake a dozing toddler or allow her to skip her nap. We got everyone out of the minivan and the kids into the stroller and headed straight toward the pumpkin patch; I would waste no time in obtaining these "perfect" pictures of my happy family. Mistake No. 2: Once you have abruptly wakened said toddler, do not expect her to be stating, “Mr. DeMille, I am ready for my close-up.” We toddled on over to the pumpkin patch, got the kids out and proceeded to start the photo session. Now lately, Ellie has been on this kick of holding her fingers near her nose when we take pictures or say the word “cheese.” See, in our house, “cheese” does not mean some yummy pasteurized dairy product – no, no, no, “cheese” means camera. Mistake No. 3: Allowing said toddler to continue to think that “cheese” means shove your fingers up near your nose and pretend to take a picture as opposed to simply smiling and looking pretty for the camera. So with my hopes still high, I continued to make the best of the situation; however, it was soon clear that Ellie was too distracted by all of the people walking around to pay attention to boring Mommy and the “cheese.” Mistake No. 4: Expecting said toddler to have an attention span of greater than 30 seconds to focus on the task at hand. By this time I had started to get frustrated and decided that Ellie would be less distracted if Daddy had the camera and Mommy sat on the ground with the kids. Mistake No. 5: Crouching down on the ground while holding two children only five short weeks post c-section. It didn’t work.
Mommy’s Plan B was to now give Ellie time to wake up before regrouping and trying again, so we went inside the store and picked up some apple cider, apple cider donuts, and some cracked corn to feed the ducks. There it was. That was the ticket, I thought. Mommy had redeemed herself from forcing everyone to take pictures by getting food for the ducks. Ellie and Daddy went down to the pond; however, we soon discovered that well fed ducks aren’t hungry ducks. Mistake No. 6: Not taking note that Lyman’s Orchard has several hundred people visiting over the course of the weekend and probably sells an overpriced sack of cracked corn to every family that makes a purchase in the store. So the ducks and other water fowl were not that interested in the food we had for them, but Ellie still had great fun helping Daddy throw the corn into the water (okay, so her little throws didn’t quite make it off of the shore).
By this time I had decided to give it one last shot so we headed back over to the pumpkin patch. Mistake No. 7: Taking said toddler back to the place where she previously just had a tantrum only allows for an even bigger tantrum the second time around. I snapped a couple more photos and another couple with a young child also took some family photos for us as well. They must have understood. We packed up and left and, on our way home, drove past another pumpkin patch. I knew I still didn’t have the perfect picture I was seeking, so I drug the whole family out of the minivan... again. Mistake No. 8: Thinking that I can apply all of the same techniques just previously used and expect a different result.
I never did get my “perfect” family photo, but the ones I did get tell an interesting tale. Just another reminder that the “mother” I want to be is very much unrealistic and far from my current reality. Oh well, this mom of two under two is starting to realize that my utopia is simply that, a utopia. The Stepford Wife in me has been hushed... at least until next fall rolls around.
~Sarah E. Rose~
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